A few years ago, I mustered up the courage to visit a licensed counselor at Covenant here in town. I'm really glad I did those six sessions -- I gained a lot of insights about myself, including resolving some tough stuff from childhood and my military days. One of the most helpful tools my counselor provided me was a sheet listing common cognitive distortions...ways that people inadvertently (or purposely!) skew their perceptions of the world around them.
As a City Council member these past two years, this Cognitive Distortions list has helped me to identify and manage my own distortions; it's also helped me to have empathy for others who may be viewing issues through a distorted lens as well. As I shift into the Mayor role, I thought it would be worthwhile to share this list with you here (I wish I knew the source -- if you know, tell me so I can properly cite it!). As we all engage with our local government -- and with our fellow humans -- it never hurts to do a gut-check to see if our perceptions might have a bit of distortion to them. I'll be posting this list in the Mayor's Office so I can refer to it...I hope it can help you too. Here's a link to a printable copy bit.ly/39ljfx2.
And for what it's worth, the biggest distortion I've had to deal with is #7 - "Should Statements"...because I tend to put way too much pressure on myself, and risk dwelling on things I HAVEN'T done rather than what I HAVE done. It's great to know that I'm not the only one who tends to do that! n So without further ado, here are...
TEN COMMON COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
-
Rationalization -- Making excuses for events in life that don't go your way, or poor choices you made, in an attempt to protect yourself from hurt feelings. You try to convince yourself that just because your wife cheated on you that it’s OK because “that guy probably initiated it” or it’s OK for your husband to be abusive because “he does doesn’t know how to show his love, and besides he only did it twice.”
-
Overgeneralization -- You see a single negative event as applicable to all or no situations. Just because you had a bad experience with a civic group or church, you assume that all such organizations or churches are bad.
-
All or Nothing Thinking -- You see things in black and white categories. You view yourself, others, and/or the world only in positive or negative extremes, and are unable to see the positive or negative aspects. Certain family members can do no wrong or coworkers are the worst of humanity.
-
Discounting the Positive -- You reject positive experiences or compliments insisting they don’t count for one reason or another. In this way, you maintain a negative belief system that is inconsistent with the “real you”, your experiences, or your achievements. When someone gives you a compliment, you respond as, “Oh, it was nothing anyone else couldn’t have done.”
-
Fortune Teller -- You make irrational doomsday predictions about the future based solely on your negative experiences in the past. “I will probably end up unemployed and alone for the rest of my life and my kids will hate me.”
-
Mind Reading -- You assume you know what other people are thinking in given situations based upon how others in your past have thought in similar situations. You fail to consider that these are different people, and perhaps you are a different person at this point in your life as well. “I know he will say no, so I’m not even going to ask -- he probably thinks I’m not consistent enough.”
-
Should Statements -- You place false or unrealistic expectations on yourself or others, believing that “I should have done” this or they “should have done” that. Then when you or they do not, you have set yourself up to become angry, depressed or anxious.
-
Emotional Reasoning -- You assume that your negative feelings reflect the way things really are. “I feel depressed, therefore the world must really stink.”
-
Magnification -- You blow things out of proportion. You exaggerate the impact/importance of events. “Just because I didn’t get this job, there will be a one-month gap on my resume, and no one will ever hire me!”
-
Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of something you have nothing to do with. You lean over to your husband on the 4th and 10 during a football game and he does not respond and you think, “I must not be important to him” or “he must not love me”. Possibly he loves you more than anything in the world but did not hear you because he was so tuned into the game. Another example is that children often believe they are responsible for their parents’ divorce.
I hope you find this list as helpful as I have over the years...thanks for reading, and I'll see you around town.